The Case for Kindness
I once worked with a colleague who was undeniably brilliant. He possessed an impressive command of information—about our work, about the world, about almost any topic you could imagine. He was well-read, current on events, and able to engage in conversation with charisma and ease. I respected the depth of his knowledge, and he contributed meaningful expertise to our team.
The challenge, however, was that he knew he was smart—and that awareness often translated into unkindness. His comments often came off as cold, even harsh. Comments he intended to be funny drained energy from the room. He prioritized sharing his opinions over listening to others. He dominated conversations, ideas, and projects.
To this day, I’m not sure how much of that behavior was intentional. But the impact was the same: I eventually stopped caring about what he had to say. Even when he offered a genuinely good idea, I found myself resistant to hearing it. It took deliberate patience, a ton of grace, and investing a lot of personal energy to work with him in a positive, caring, and productive way, all while remaining authentic to myself as a leader.
The Case for Kindness
Who I am today—and the leader I strive to be—is shaped by many lessons; a good portion of those originated from my parents. But one philosophy from my mom has influenced my leadership more than anything else. It’s a phrase she repeated often, one that guides my behavior still: No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
It may sound cliché and is a phrase I’ve repeated several times on this platform, but nothing has shaped my approach to people more than that single idea.
The point is simple: how we treat people matters. Research reinforces this. When people evaluate fairness at work, it’s not only the outcomes that matter—who gets promoted, where resources are allocated, or how bonuses are distributed. It’s not only the process behind those decisions either. There is a third component: how people are treated throughout the process, known as interactional justice. Our behaviors and attitudes toward others directly shape their sense of fairness.
Similarly, consider team cohesion. It is often described through three sources: task, social, and collective cohesion. That second source—social cohesion—reflects the strength of relationships among team members. Put plainly, it means people enjoy working with one another.
So, again, how we treat people matters. It helps them feel seen, heard, included, and valued. It creates space for vulnerability and authenticity—whether that shows up as good, bad, or ugly. In return, people offer trust and commitment. How we treat people earns us the right to speak truth into their lives. And through all of this, we create a healthier, more enjoyable, and more productive workplace. Ultimately, we improve the quality of people’s lives.
What Kindness Is Not
It’s important to clarify what we are not talking about here. Kindness in leadership is not meekness, timidity, or softness. It is not an unwillingness to rock the boat. It is not being consumed with fear of upsetting others. It is not avoiding hard conversations. Kindness is not about simply being liked.
Those behaviors are selfish and inwardly focused. They lead to niceness or politeness—not kindness. Kindness is outwardly focused.
Organizational psychologist Adam Grant, author of Give and Take and Think Again, often distinguishes kindness from the facades of niceness and politeness. He states that politeness is saying what makes people feel good today, but kindness is doing what helps people get better tomorrow. Polite teams avoid disagreement and withhold criticism. Kind teams, however, speak honestly and respectfully.
Saying what we think others want to hear is nice. It produces sugarcoated, ineffective feedback that keeps the peace but stunts growth. Sharing what we believe others need to hear, from a place of genuine care, is kind. Speaking truthfully because we want others to succeed is kindness.
Leaders can make hard decisions, speak candidly, give high-quality feedback, and develop others—all while being kind. These behaviors are not mutually exclusive.
But we must earn the right to speak truth into others’ lives. One of the most reliable ways to earn that right is through consistent habits of kindness.
Habits of Kindness
Kindness that remains internally in our thoughts or intentions never becomes kindness experienced by others. To move beyond niceness, politeness, or aloofness, we must operationalize kindness through our words and actions. So, while not exhaustive, the following eight habits offer simple, repeatable ways to earn trust, help people feel valued, and cultivate a workplace where others can thrive.
1. Check in with people. Colleagues often come to us ready to dive straight into work with decisions to be made, obstacles to be hurdled, or seek guidance to accomplish their tasks. As leaders, we can do the same, seeking to be efficient and move straight into the discussions about work so we can move on. But, in the big picture of what truly matters in life, people are always more important than the issue at hand. So, start by checking in. Ask how they’re doing, how their weekend was, or what they’re looking forward to outside of work. Sometimes kindness is simply signaling, “We’ll get to the task in a moment, but first I want to see how you’re doing.”
2. Simply listen. People often just need to be heard more than they need advice. Giving someone your full attention—stepping away from your phone, turning from your screen, making eye contact—is an act of kindness. Let them talk without interruption. Then ask questions. Affirm their perspective. Listen to understand and not to merely respond.
3. Show appreciation. Say thank you. Express gratitude in person, in an email, or in a handwritten note. These small gestures generate shared positivity and help people feel seen. Appreciation is simply a form of positive feedback, and it matters.
4. Show interest in talking to people. Leadership is the business of people and problems. People will interrupt your day. They will bring issues, questions, and needs. You can view these moments as nuisances and distractions. Or you can view these as opportunities to invest in people. When someone asks, “Do you have a second?” treat it as a chance to show kindness. A smile, raised eyebrows, or a warm “Yeah, I’d love to talk” communicates safety, support, and care.
5. Know and treat people as more than a title. People have families, passions, goals, hobbies, and struggles. They have baggage and a whole life outside of work. Learn about them beyond their job description. It doesn’t require deep, time-consuming investigations. Building simple awareness by asking a question before a meeting or in passing goes a long way. Know a hobby, remember a birthday, acknowledge a personal goal. Offer support through life’s ups and downs. You don’t have to be their only source of support, but you can be a source.
6. Be available. Time is a leader’s scarcest resource, so availability does not mean unlimited access. But availability is more about posture than hours. Be generous in offering support. In meetings or emails, say things like, “How can I help?” or “What support do you need?” These are clear signals of care and kindness through availability. Maintain boundaries, but don’t guard your time so tightly that you become cold or inaccessible.
7. Follow up. Earlier this year, I was in a season of crisis at work with competing demands, rapid change, and a sense of barely keeping my head above water. A mentor reached out unexpectedly with a short, but kind and encouraging email. I replied, and though I didn’t intend to, my overwhelm showed through. His initial message meant a lot. But what meant even more was that he followed up a month later with a simple text: “Morale check.” That tiny gesture was the most meaningful. It showed he remembered, he cared, and he remained invested. Follow-up doesn’t need to be elaborate. It just needs to say, “I care, and I’m thinking of you.”
8. Share “truth in love.” Kindness is not about creating perpetual happiness. Daniel Coyle, in The Culture Code, challenges the assumption when he writes:
One misconception about highly successful cultures is that they are happy, lighthearted places. This is mostly not the case. They are energized and engaged, but at their core their members are oriented less around achieving happiness than around solving hard problems together. This task involves many moments of high-candor feedback, uncomfortable truth-telling, when they confront the gap between where the group is, and where it ought to be.
Kim Scott makes a similar argument in Radical Candor: leaders must challenge directly and care personally. Kindness and developmental candor are not opposing behaviors sitting at different ends of a spectrum. They are partners. We give feedback from a place of love because we want others to grow. We don’t use feedback as punishment or judgment. We signal, “I care about you and about our team. I want both to get better. So, let’s discuss some important truth.”
Final Thoughts
Kindness is not a soft skill; it is a leadership advantage. It shapes how people experience us, how they interpret fairness, and how willing they are to trust, collaborate, and be honest. In environments defined by pressure and complexity, kindness becomes even more essential, not less.
Yet many leaders hesitate. We fear it will make us look weak or slow us down. But the opposite is true. Kindness strengthens relationships, improves cohesion, elevates teamwork, and creates the psychological safety required for high performance. It is not a detour from effectiveness; it is a pathway to it.
So, the real question becomes: what holds us back from choosing kindness more consistently? And what might change if we committed to making our workplace a kinder place to operate?
Leadership is built not in singular grand gestures, but in small moments. Kindness works the same way. Small, intentional actions accumulate into meaningful impact.
Choose one habit of kindness and practice it with thoughtfulness and intention today. Check in with someone. Listen fully. Offer appreciation. Follow up. Speak truth in love. Whatever you choose, make it deliberate.
When we choose kindness, we don’t just lead better. We make work—and life—better for the people around us.
